What a funny idea - me writing a blog about housekeeping. As you know, I'm all pinnies, Ajax and rubber gloves.
I am actually referring to that boring bit at the beginning of a conference or training day where you tell people where the toilets are, what the lunch arrangements are, what to do in case of a fire (and if there are any drills planned) and where to go and have a cigarette if you smoke. Yawn, yawn yawn. To be honest, wouldn't it be ever-so-slightly more interesting just to let people find out for themselves.
Well today, I made a few lame jokes along the lines of 'if there's a fire - get out, if you need to smoke get out'. Ha, ha, ha. Rip roaring. But if my more sensible colleagues had not been present (my adjective 'pile of poo' got a frown today), I would love to really spice things up:
Dressed in a blue and white hostess outfit with long white gloves, a white paper hat secured with several kirby grips and a mouth painted with bright red lipstick, I would stroll into the room and stand symetrically at the front, feet slightly apart and hands on hips. I would say in a very camp yet authoritative voice, using appropriate gestures,
'All your orifice needs will be more than amply met today. We have provision for all things going in and coming out and we hope you will be more than satisfied with the quality of service. Thank you for your attention,' and then leave the room.
A bit 'carry on' but in my opinion, there simply isn't enough tomfoolery in the world.