It's contradictions having a frenzied battle in your head for 2-3 years.....
- Finding some meaning in the context of realising that it is all actually meaningless
- Developing apathy at the same time as panicking because you can see/feel life is finite
- Questioning how to cut out inane stuff but being drawn to it at times
- Debating a complete change in direction but nothing appealing very much
- A feeling no amount of articulation depletes
- Hoping that it is a storm that just needs to be ridden and that one day, one will wake up and just feel settled inside!!!
- Looking for an answers that probably doesn't exist
I am guessing it amounts to finding pleasures in small things, making people happy, using creativity, learning and teaching...but not feeling it ...yet!