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Anal Retention Test

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I was clearing out some old files on my computer and came across this. I wrote it in about 1999 (back when people still wrote cheques) predominantly to take the p*** out of a teaching colleague that was the opposite end of this particular spectrum to me! He took it as the silly, light-hearted bit of fun it was meant to be, but he did actually score nearly full marks. We are still friends and he's a headteacher now. Just shows you how far a bit of anal retention can take one. *************************************************** DEFINITION A popular term for “anal retentive personality,” a personality marked by excessive orderliness, extreme meticulousness, and often suspicion and reserve. According to psychoanalysis, an anal personality is formed in early childhood as a result of efforts to control bowel movements. *************************************************** Now tell me, does anal retention *increase with age? *really make life easier? *have very strong links to the need to b...
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Poo Poem

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My brother once had a poo poem in his toilet. I could only remember the first line of his but I used it to start mine. It's his concept I nicked. He's got bags of great concept. What an honour: to be the inspiration of poo poem II. Poo Poem   Big ones, little ones, ones that wedge in the loo Squidgy ones, firm ones, Ones that smell like a zoo Deep brown, light brown Ones that take time to come 'One wipe and go' ones  Ones that smudge your bum Sweetcorn ones, carrot ones Ones that stick to the bowl Jolly bad hangover ones that squit out from your hole Regular ones, strained ones Ones that need a nice smelling spray: the ones propelled by wind - that mean you won't want to stay Morning ones, evening ones, ones you do around noon Ones that make little skid marks - the ones that come too soon Quiet ones, noisy ones, Unashamed ones done in the boys Discreet ones done by ladies Toddlers’ ones that double as toys Floating ones, sinking ones Ones do...
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Breaking the blog spell...

My beautifully captivating and mesmerising big sister cast a spell on me. It was a spell that would make me sit in up in the clouds and write a blog every single day...mostly for her benefit - as she dutifully and kindly read and commented on each one. Being easily coaxed into most things and liking the idea of a blog meant this spell was fine...for a while. Then.....I was sitting minding my own business (I look quite funny when I do that - most people do) when a huge green common-sense elf wearing red hotpants came and waved his wand at me declaring, "Writing a blog every day when you work full time, have two youngish children and a million projects on the go at any one time, is a little silly. You can waffle on and on about just about anything and do have about forty draft blogs saved ready to run, but it's probably best you aim more for quality than quantity and only write about slightly more fully formed ideas! After all, less IS more." I was released -although I fear...
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