Friday, 26 February 2010

Everything comes to life!

When our kids were younger and we were all bundled in bed together, they always wanted us to bring cuddly toys to life or turn our hands into characters. I suspect parents everywhere do this regularly. We still do this with our youngest. Last night's hand-demonstrated story, for example, was about Harriet the Hippo with the itchy bottom (she searched all over for the perfect scratch) and we have a fat penguin cuddly toy that is trying to learn English but can only really say, heavily accented, 'my nose is like a carrot.' In fact, I don't think there is a cuddly toy without a persona and my hand has played endless roles (no seedy ones). It thinks it is an actor.

The other day, I stumbled across this 'story' that included many of the characters chap and I turned our hands into. The characters became quite developed such that I must have written this down based on them. (I didn't remember writing it!) Our daughter used to nag us endlessly to tun our hands into these characters. Here they are.
This is Algernon and his friend Winston.
Algernon is a black spider. Winston is a white spider. He is also gay. (He quite fancies Algernon).

This is Vivienne. She is overweight. It hurts when Vivienne walks on you. She is a very shy spider and has to be coaxed from under the floorboards.
Vivienne is a single mum. This is her son David with her. David is disabled. He has only for seven legs but he can do all the things that eight legged spiders can do.

David's mum adores Winston but unfortunately Winston does not fancy Vivienne because he is gay.
Algernon fancies Vivienne like mad but sadly, Vivienne only had eyes for Winston. This is a very tragic love triangle. None of these spiders are very happy. Except David.David loves to play with his 'Uncle' Algernon. Algernon can throw David high into the air. This makes David laugh a lot.Algernon and Winston love making webs. Algernon is a web bore. Sometimes David falls asleep when Algernon tells him all about the webs he had made.

This is Grandma Worm. She is very old. Grandma Worm eats sand rather than mud, because she is so course. She says her mud processing days are long gone. Grandma Worm smokes forty Rothman's a day. She has a very gruff voice.Grandma Worm loves to party. She often goes out with her two best mates: Sidney Worm and Ronnie the Tick.

Ronnie the Tick always forgets to take his money with him but it doesn't matter because he is so popular, everyone always buys him a drink. Ronnie the Tick is rumoured to have some dodgy connections.

After a long night out, Grandma Worm often fails to make it home. She was once found sleeping on her keys by the front door. This is very dangerous for a worm, particularly at dawn.

This is Harvey and Daisy. They are Grandma Worm's Grandchildren. Harvey and Daisy are very good at dealing with grandma Worm's hangovers. Often they find her a pint of water to soak in for a while.Harvey and Daisy are boyfriend and girlfriend. They are almost inseparable although they have both agreed that they are too young to be in a serious relationship.

Harvey and Daisy are very busy worms. Often in the morning, one of them is on 'First Worm Duty'. First Worm Duty is where a worm has to be available at dawn to meet the early bird. It is a very dangerous duty and you have to be very brave to do it. So far Harvey and Daisy have been unhurt.

Harvey and Daisy do something every night. On Mondays, Daisy goes to guides and Harvey goes to scouts. On Tuesdays Harvey goes to his trombone lesson and Daisy learns piano. On Wednesdays Harvey and Daisy both go to Canoe Club. On Thursdays Harvey cans worms and Daisy opens them. On Fridays, Harvey reads stories to the blind lady over the road and Daisy helps out with 'Meals on Wheels' On Saturdays, Harvey goes Morris dancing and Daisy watches him adoringly. On Sundays, both Harvey and Daisy go to choir practice at St. Wilifred's of Allotment. Daisy also regularly plays a Sunday afternoon football match with the Wormstead Wrigglers. They are top of the league and have won all the matches so far this season -including matches against the Centre-earth Centipedes, Slightly-Slow Slugs (no surprise - they have never won, even when the occasional snail subs), the Burly Beetles and the Ants United.

Harvey and Daisy are frequently also found out collecting for charity. Their favourite charity is 'Wormfam': a charity which helps parasitic worms overseas.


  1. Harvey and Daisy have recently be-friended.......

  2. Blimey, can we have the heavy stuff again please!!!

    It reminded me for no obvious reason of when Fred was 4 and he'd been to a birthday party at a friend's house. On returning, he said, "I think Adam's granny is gay." We asked, "Why's that?". He replied, "Cause she was sitting on the sofa with another old lady smoking."

  3. Only a sister could get away with that remark!

    gosh, Molly, you are so creative - you should be fronting a kid's telly programme I think (although you'd probably tell them to switch it off and go and do proper play)

  4. Ronnie the Tick drinks in my local.

  5. Harvey and Daisy are related? and they are boyfriend and girlfriend?
    incestuous little worms.
    no wunner Granny Worm drinks so mush.

  6. Claire – thank you! (ironic!!)
    FF – Thank you (not ironic!!) It would be a little dodgy for a kids’ programme perhaps. When we were acting out spiders ticks and worms with our hands (quite different hand movements) I think Andy and I were entertaining each other as much as our daughter! Essential at 6 a.m. on a Sunday with a slight hangover. If Claire wrote a positive comment I would think she had had a lobotomy!!! It’s what big sisters are for!
    Claire – no you will have to do all my administration with no fee for the rest of your life if you are to get away with that. X
    Mr T – Ronnie the Tick is pretty charismatic...have you got the right one?...ask him what comes to mind if you mention British Home Stores – if you get a reaction – it’s him.
    Clipster – yes it’s a Norfolk and worm thing. They don’t have a problem with it. Anyway, they’re not serious yet – so there’s a chance of a worm being imported with a sack of potatoes from Lincolnshire winning over Daisy’s heart (before they get to reproducing). So Daisy’s offspring might not have to have webbed segments and low-even-for-a-worm-IQs

    How do worms reproduce?

  7. I think you'll find my strike rate is about one positive comment to five sarcastic/irreverent ones! I vaguely remember some quite glowing and loving comments buried in there somewhere?!! Oh, and the sarcastic/irreverant ones are affectionate xxx winky face (can't/won't do those faces!!).

  8. You just did a face, a sad one eyed man ).

  9. I see it! I see the underwater cigarette!

  10. :-{) (posh Edwardian)

    :>) My husband

    >:-) Gragargular for Outer Zarvoss

    ;-) permission to gently mock

    " "' " "' keyboard

    ^v^v^v^v^v^ neat mountain range

    oOOo - O family

    w^w^w^w^w^ pretty pattern

    K:) 6 year old girl

    time to go out as in I need to get out more
    xxxxx (kisses)

  11. Bugger, so I did. I'll have to keep an eye on my use of brackets.


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