I didn't actually get kicked out but this is what happened........
I went to a book club for a couple of years ending in early 2004. It comprised of about eight women - half 'mums at home' and half 'workers'. I went to the first meeting with lots to say about the crap book we had read. In those early meetings the wine always flowed abundantly but we did usually consider the book - a bit.
Slowly over the months, it definitely became less and less about the books because there were always a significant fraction who had not read it (I always did). I was OK with that but I was beginning to lose interest. I didn't really 'fit in' with everyone anyway. I used to try and spice the meetings up a bit by taking things along.
It was around this time that I first encountered the Myers Briggs personality types and I took what I had along to what turned out to be my last meeting and 'diagnosed' everyone. It was actually quite hard work because people were quite rowdy (everyone was drunk) and they all wanted to be 'typed' individually. I became bored of it by the seventh time.
At the end, someone said, so what type are you Molly? I declared ENFP. I am SO ENFP. I could not be more ENFP. I ooze ENFP. ENFP sweats from my pores. To which they said, 'feeler' YOU? No way? I said, yes I am, I am driven more by my heart than my head. I am sensitive to others. I make decisions based on how I feel rather than what makes logical sense. Definitely a feeler.
This caused considerable dissent in the form of much disgruntled mumbling. There were a few more noises of dispute and denial that I could possibly be sensitive which resulted in me eventually saying,
'O.K. Who here have I offended?'
The response was four hands in the air. Five if you count the person that had left the book club a few month previous.
So I started at hand in the air number one. How have I offended you?
"The time you called me tarty." I had to be reminded of the incident and luckily I recalled that I had actually said, 'nice and tarty' and actually meant 'tarted up.' I now know not to use that word and 'you look lovely' works better. Live and learn. I apologised for any offence and explained absolutely none was intended. I had, actually, in my own clumsy way, been trying to give a compliment.
Hand in the air number two. How have I offended you?
"About seven months ago when you said I could not use the words, 'nitty gritty'." Again I needed some time and guidance to put it in context. It had been a heated debate about offensive language. I had explained that the word 'coloured' is no longer used to described black and Asian people and explained why and this caused the woman to become defensive. We spoke about courtesy and respect and she used the cliche 'political correctness gone mad.' I concede I would handle it better now. I tried to explain how powerful language can be, but several glasses of wine down, it had clearly come out wrong. What I had used as an example was the term 'nitty gritty'. Contemporary speculation had said that this term was used to describe the cleaning out of faeces and vomit from the bottom of slave ships - as in 'let's get down to the nitty gritty.' It has since been cleared up that this is not the origin of the phrase. I simply said, if that turned out to be true, I would cease using that term because that origin is vile. It is, after all, no great hardship to replace it with 'fine detail' or something.
Hand in the air number three How have I offended you?
"Just now when you accused me of being an introvert."
Oh sorry - it's just I'd already done the test so many times, I was disappointed to have to say it all over again and just wanted to be done with it.
Hand number four - still up. Waiting all this time. Probably aching. How have I offended you?
"I'm not going to tell you."
"I'm not going to tell you."
How can I apologise if you don't tell me what I have done? But she wouldn't tell.
It was in the car on the way home with the two people that had not put their hand up and the one I had called tarty, when the driver said,
"Molly. I think I might know what offended NUMBER 4."
"Do you think..... possibly....maybe....it was......the time....you said to her.....
"You are a really stunningly beautiful woman, why are you married to a man that looks like Stephen Hawkins?"
A chance maybe.
I didn't go again.