Spring cleaning

I was not-quite--yet-spring cleaning my old computer files and came across this... I think I still agree with most of it!

Bloody Molly Potter says.......

...on certainty

Always be questioning of your own certainty. Never to assume that you know everything. Understand that it is human nature to tend to see only the evidence that supports your point of view. 

...on problem solving
When you have an emotional problem – you are best placed to solve it as only you know all the details of the problem and whether a solution will be palatable for you or not. So finding someone to listen can simply help you work out your own solution.

...on empathy
Practise empathy. There is always something to be learnt from embracing another’s’ perspective.

..on judgement of others
Negative subjective judgement of any individual never really helps..

..on criticising
Make suggestions rather than criticising. Criticising can induce defensiveness, suggestions can open people up.

...on what you are to others
Consider what you trigger in others. Aim to trigger positive emotions – although this is not always possible. What do you 'give' to others?

...on being right
Curb any need to be right and work on remaining open to new ideas. Aim for deepening your understanding and seeing things from others’ perspectives over proving that you are right. Being adversarial is often just egos arguing.

...on perspective
Transcend pettiness. Perspective helps with this….we all die in the end!

...on forgiveness
Forgiveness is the ability to let go of another’s hold on you.

...on guiding yourself
Perpetually ask ‘what really matters?’ and ‘What would love do?’

...on encountering bigotry
When someone presents a view that is abhorrent to you (e.g. racism) pouncing on that view will just cause more polarisation. Accept, listen and discuss calmly. Open up the discussion (rather than closing it down) simply by saying, ‘tell me more’.

...on conflict
Enter into conflict ultimately aiming for harmony. Conflict can be healthy as it can shift things quickly. When you are harmonious again, look at what has been learnt.

...on shame
What triggers one person to a negative response won't trigger everyone. Everyone carries their deep feelings of shame (I am not worthy) in their own unique way - with their own damaging patterns of self-protection. When you become defensive, shame has been triggered – it is nearly always a clue to an underlying issue.

OR
Every time you react negatively to something that is not a universal response (e.g. disgust at something revolting is universal), can give you a clue to the patterns and buttons that were put into you during your early childhood - the things that trigger your low self-worth.

Remember that many of the negative aspects of ourselves we have pushed down into our subconscious and locked it in with shame. Therefore it is painful to receive feedback about ourselves that we deny. One of the best ways of becoming self-aware however, is to listen to that negative feedback.

Take some responsibility for being offended - when you are and try to find ways of letting that offense go as quickly as possible. Chances are the intention was not what you took away, it was your reaction.

....on negative emotions
Do not panic when you experience negative emotions. Indulge them and see them as transient and part of the full spectrum of human experience. We are over-sold happiness and have grown to expect it which ironically causes misery!

....on rumination
If you self-torture with rumination – find ways of preventing this such as meditation and mindfulness or simply doing something you become absorbed in.

...on letting go
Letting go and moving on is important in the process of developing happiness.

....on gratitude
Practise gratitude. Practise finding pleasure in the tiniest of things. Gratitude wires the brain optimistically.